


Silver Lining

by changingapart



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:55:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29579898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/changingapart/pseuds/changingapart
Summary: Title: Silver LiningAuthor: SulkygeekPairing: Rachel/Quinn, Rachel/Brittany, Rachel/Puck, Quinn/Santana, Santana/Brittany. In spite of this, it’s not particularly sexy.Spoilers: Pilot through Sectionals.Length:6,500+Rating: R-rating for language and not sexiness. Despite the multiple pairingsSummary: This is kind of a sequel to my Brittana story “Slave” but you don’t need to have read it. This story just uses some of the same details. The only thing you really need to know from that story is that Brittany once kissed Rachel in the school bathroom because she was sad about her relationship with Santana. And that Santana once got into a fight in middle school defending Brittany’s honor. It’s a little off canon in that I’m not incorporating the “Sex Isn’t Dating” thing from ‘Sectionals’, but it’s not in AU territory either.
Relationships: Quinn Fabray/Santana Lopez, Rachel Berry/Brittany S. Pierce, Rachel Berry/Noah Puckerman, Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray
Kudos: 9
Collections: slkgk





	1. Chapter 1

**Title** : Silver Lining  
 **Author** : Sulkygeek  
 **Pairing** : Rachel/Quinn, Rachel/Brittany, Rachel/Puck, Quinn/Santana, Santana/Brittany. In spite of this, it’s not particularly sexy.  
Spoilers: Pilot through Sectionals.  
 **Length** :6,500+  
 **Rating** : R-rating for language and not sexiness. Despite the multiple pairings  
Summary: This is kind of a sequel to my Brittana story “Slave” but you don’t need to have read it. This story just uses some of the same details. The only thing you really need to know from that story is that Brittany once kissed Rachel in the school bathroom because she was sad about her relationship with Santana. And that Santana once got into a fight in middle school defending Brittany’s honor. It’s a little off canon in that I’m not incorporating the “Sex Isn’t Dating” thing from ‘Sectionals’, but it’s not in AU territory either.

  
\--

1.

When one engaged in a secret relationship, and it was secret by one’s own suggestion, one no longer had the right to complain, whine or mope to her friends when said relationship terminated.

Rachel broke up with her abruptly one day after Glee practice. They were the stragglers as they left the room, just like always.

This was how it occurred:

“Do you want to get some dinner, go over to your place and then make out?” Quinn asked, trying to be light-hearted and sort of charming in a way she thought Rachel might like. Rachel usually looked amused. This time, the attempt failed.

Rachel paused and looked at her. “No,” she said.

No.

The answer shocked Quinn enough to make her voice raise an octave. “ _No?!_ ”

“No,” Rachel repeated. “I don’t want to have dinner with you, I don’t want you to come to my house and I don’t want to make out with you. No.”

Quinn frowned. “Are you--”

“Don’t ask me if I’m on my period,” Rachel interrupted. “Seriously, don’t insult me.”

“Well, why not?” Quinn demanded. She paused. “Not, why not, like, why can’t I insult you. But why don’t you want to have dinner and hang out?”

“I just don’t want to do this anymore,” Rachel said. “I just think I can do better. It’s fine to keep our relationship a secret, I am not in any particular hurry to disclose it, but you could at least be cordial to me. Contrary to what you might believe, Quinn, no one is going to believe we’re dating just because you start being cordial to me. I’m a little tired of you being horrible to me at school and trying to make it up to me at night.” Rachel paused. “It’s weird. It was intriguing at first, but now it’s just lost its luster.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Quinn demanded, her voice taking on a shrill element for which she hated herself a little.

“If you can call it that, yes,” Rachel said with a sigh. “I don’t see why anything really has to change, you practically ignore me at school-- when you aren’t being outright mean to me anyway, so we just need to stop seeing each other outside of school. I don’t think it will be a problem.”

Quinn was befuddled. “I don’t understand.”

“Well, _you_ don’t have to.”

“But--”

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” Rachel said bluntly.

And that was that.  
\--

Once things were over with Quinn, life felt like it went back to normal. Quinn ignored her in the hallways at school, even when Brittany gave her a bright ‘hello’ and Santana acknowledged her existence with a cursory nod. That much was fine with Rachel because she didn’t want to make eye contact with Quinn anyway.

Even though it wasn’t much of a break-up, Rachel still felt bad about it. Not bad enough that she wished she hadn’t done it-- Quinn might have her pride, but Rachel had hers, too. But Rachel still felt like crap after it.

She had low energy-- sluggish and tired as she sat, uncharacteristically slouched, in her chair during all of her classes. She usually prided herself on her good posture, but it didn’t matter to her anymore.

One day, Noah came to school in the afternoon after a family funeral in the morning. He was still sharply dressed-- black wrinkle free blazer, red Windsor knotted tie, crisp white shirt buttoned all the way up and black dress pants with shiny black shoes. He looked _incredible_ and she felt a tiny flustered knot from deep in her stomach.

They made out in his truck that afternoon, and it felt good because he was a good kisser, but once it was done, she was left feeling unsatisfied and disappointed.

He wasn’t what she really wanted. But he would do, at least, temporarily.

They start spending more time together by an unspoken agreement, and she pretended that she didn’t know about the other girls he was seeing and texting. She didn’t care enough (at least romantically) to protest or even feign outrage, so she just pretended to be blind to it. Besides, it would stroke his ego if she acted upset, and she didn’t want to do that. But it would also deflate his ego a little bit if he knew how entirely indifferent she was to the other girls he was running around with, and she didn’t want to deflate his ego, either.

When he was with her, he was sweet to her, and she could almost pretend he was what she wanted. He was such a nice guy when he allowed himself to be, and she could easily see him growing up into a really good guy, a good man. She thought she could love the man Noah Puckerman could grow into, but she only liked the boy he currently was.

\--

Quinn’s dreams were crazy. The closer she got to her due date, the more she dreamed crazy things, things like losing her baby and not being able to find her or doing terrible things to her baby. She was so freaked out by it, she googled what the dreams could possibly mean and was relieved to find that bad mother dreams were common in pregnancy.

She started to have dreams about Rachel. Terrible things happening to Rachel. She never dreamt about what exactly happened to Rachel, but she saw the aftermath, and what she saw always horrified her. Despite the fact she was angry and resentful, she did not want anything bad to happen to Rachel and she did not want to think about what it could mean that she was dreaming such things. She did not want to believe she was capable of such meanness she would actually wish those things on Rachel.

Once, the dream was so terrible, a doctor uttering the words ‘neurologically devastated’ and ‘no hope,’ that she couldn’t wait to get to school. Rachel was always at school before she was, and Rachel was always at her locker right before first period getting books out of her locker. That morning, Rachel was not at her locker and Quinn felt a well of panic flare up in her stomach.

It was only when Rachel walked into their shared first period English class ten minutes late that Quinn breathed a sigh of relief. Rachel looked perfectly fine-- good, in fact. Her hair looked fabulous, her skin looked really nice and her outfit was, in a rare instance, not tragically absurd. Rachel uttered a soft apology to the teacher for her tardiness, but despite the fact Rachel was never tardy and she seemed truly apologetic, she was sent to T-21, anyway, the room where tardy students were sent.

From the pursed set of Rachel’s lips, Quinn saw that she wanted to protest, but the brunette didn’t. She just gave the teacher a look and walked quietly out of the classroom.

Rachel came back within twenty minutes and silently handed Mrs. Schmidt her tardy slip and then took her seat.

Quinn caught up to Rachel as they navigated the hallway to second period once their English class let out.

It’d been a month since they talked to one another outside of Glee. A month since Rachel unceremoniously broke up with her.

“It sucked she sent you to T-21.”

“I was late.”

“But you’re never late.”

“She’s just following policy.”

Rachel was brusque and Quinn hesitated before she spoke again. “Why are you in such a bad mood?” she asked softly.

She was immensely pregnant and sensitive, and Rachel being so short with her didn’t help things.

Rachel sighed and she seemed to relent. “I’m sorry,” she said. She put her hand on Quinn’s shoulder. “I haven’t slept well in a couple weeks.”

Quinn shuddered slightly as she remembered the dream she had just the night before. “I know how that is,” she said softly.

Rachel gave her a small smile. “Okay. I’ll see you later.”

“I’ll see you later,” Quinn echoed quietly.  
\--

“Are you okay?”

Rachel was bent over the sink so she could stare closer into the mirror, but once she heard Brittany’s soft-spoken question, she straightened. She tucked some hair behind both ears and gave Brittany a genuine smile. “Yeah,” she said. “I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

She felt like crap. In fact, she’d felt poorly for weeks, but that day she was feeling particularly crappy.

Brittany moved closer to her and pressed her hand to Rachel’s forehead. “You’re getting sick,” she declared.

Rachel chuckled and swatted at Brittany’s hands. “Don’t be ridiculous. I never get sick. The last time I got sick I was eight years old.”

“You better drink some orange juice or something,” Brittany informed her.

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Brittany. I’m not going to get sick.”

Brittany raised an eyebrow. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” she said. She linked arms with Rachel and the two girls walked to Glee practice.

Santana eyed them almost warily once they walked into and stood up to approach them.

“Brit,” Santana drawled. “I have that thing I wanted to show you.”

“What thing?” Brittany asked, her eyes wide.

“Just come with me,” Santana said, tugging on one of Brittany’s hands.

Rachel watched in amusement as Santana pulled Brittany away. Santana’s suspicion and jealousy were so transparent.

Rachel took a seat in the front row and sneezed, followed by a series of hacking coughs.

“Damn it,” Rachel muttered.

Brittany’s laughter rang out.

Everyone turned to look at Brittany, and even Santana looked at her oddly.

“Rachel sneezed,” Brittany explained.

There was no response, but there was continued staring.

“She sneezed!” Brittany explained insistently.

“Well, it was kind of a funny sneeze,” Santana said, patting Brittany’s knee.

That night, Rachel felt sicker than she had in her entire life. When she shivered under her covers, she blamed Brittany fully. That is, when she had any coherent thoughts. The next morning, when her father, Paul, came in to check on her, she couldn’t even bring herself to protest when he took her temperature.

Her temperature was high enough that he bit his lip in concern and bundled her up. Within the hour, she was sitting in her _pediatrician’s_ office, surrounded by screaming children, distraught mothers, stuffed animals and elephants painted on the walls. She rested her head on her father’s shoulders, took in the chaos and thought, ‘this is so embarrassing.’

\--

Quinn was very good at starting rumors. It wasn’t a talent she was proud of or anything, but she was extremely adept at starting even the most nonsensical, ridiculous rumor and having it spread around the school like wildfire. Therefore, she could totally understand how the rumor that Rachel Berry and Noah Puckerman were getting married at City Hall that afternoon because Rachel was pregnant with Puck’s love child was spreading through the school so quickly, and how it was actually gaining both validity and credibility with each passing hour. She could also understand how the rumor got started merely because Rachel and Puck both happened to be absent from school that day. Although, Puck was regularly absent because he was known to be a habitual truant, and Rachel was one of those nerds who got the perfect attendance award at the end of each year. Also, everyone knew Puck and Rachel were seeing one another, so when they were both absent from school, everyone just kind of assumed they were together. It wasn’t such an outlandish rumor when Quinn really thought about it.

“What is going _on_ in that Glee club?” Quinn heard someone whisper.

There were mutterings all over the school.

“Do you think Puck will get _all_ the girls in Glee pregnant?”

“So will this make Quinn’s baby and Rachel’s baby siblings?”

“I’d join Glee if I could get laid.”

“Yeah, I heard Rachel’s dads both tried to sign the consent to marry forms, but only one of them could because they couldn’t agree who had to be the mom.”

That last one was uttered with particular malice and Quinn felt the urge to slam her purse into Mitchell Wolf’s face for saying it.

By the time school was over, Quinn was irritated by the constant whispering. It was one thing for people to talk about Rachel, which bothered Quinn a lot more than she wanted it to bother her. But it also meant she herself was under scrutiny again, and Quinn hated that people were talking about her again. Although she found herself strangely both enthralled and completely grossed out by the thought that she and Rachel could both be pregnant with Puck’s babies. That _would_ mean the babies would be siblings and Quinn weirdly liked the idea, even as it pretty much grossed her out.

Puck was at Glee practice when Quinn got there, and she was irrationally upset to see him. He was good to her and always accompanied her to her increasingly frequent doctor’s visits, but his interest in her seemed to have waned with every pound she gained. This told her everything she needed to know about him, at least, for now.

“Hey, man. So where are you and Rachel going on your honeymoon?” Matt asked.

Puck looked at him in confusion. “ _What_.”

Mike and Matt exchanged a look and chuckled, but their expressions became serious when they saw the way Finn glared over at them.

“There’s a rumor you got Rachel pregnant and you married her today at City Hall,” Finn said flatly.

“She just has the flu,” Puck said uncertainly. “I just talked to her before I came here.”

“Well, where were _you_ all day?” Santana asked.

Puck shrugged.

Glee practice started and Quinn tried to stop thinking about Rachel.

Rachel missed school that entire week. When she was still not at school on the following Monday, even Quinn started to voice her concern in Glee.

\--

Rachel could not remember ever being so sick. It started out just as a flu but it led to pneumonia and she could not remember there ever being a time when she felt so sick she wanted to cry. Her fathers were anxious and solicitous which made her feel even worse. Brittany came by, looking apologetic, as though it were the blonde’s fault that she got so sick, but she had to stop coming when Rachel’s fathers told the blonde that Rachel was pretty contagious.

Rachel finally came back to school, looking wan and a little worse for the wear. Rachel looked haggard enough that Quinn could probably get away with calling the brunette “Man Hands” or “Man Face” or something in the masculine family, but that just seemed way too mean. And anyway, her heart really wasn’t into calling Rachel names.

The Glee kids greeted Rachel back happily, and even Mr. Schuester couldn’t contain his broad, relieved grin.

“Welcome back, Rachel,” he told the brunette in the hallway before school officially started. “We’ll take it easy today.”

She smiled at him. “I’m back up to par, Mr. Schue,” she assured.

“Even so,” he said. He touched her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

Rachel ran into Quinn in the bathroom, the place where all encounters between girls seemed to take place in high school. They were the only two people in the bathroom and Rachel kind of wished there were more people around. There usually were, but apparently, there was a rumor going around school that she had mono instead of pneumonia and people were avoiding her. Avoidance was better than being Slushied, so Rachel was okay with it.

“Hey,” Rachel greeted softly.

“Hi,” Quinn said. “I’m glad you feel better,” she said sincerely.

“Thanks,” Rachel said. She grabbed a paper towel to dry her hands and started to walk to the door so she could leave.

“Rachel?” Quinn called out.

“Yeah?” Rachel paused.

Quinn approached her slowly and stood very close. She paused before she spoke. “Just because we’re not sleeping together doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, does it?” she asked quietly.

Rachel sighed softly. “Of course we can be friends,” she murmured. “We _should_ be friends.”

“Good,” Quinn said relieved.

“I have to get to Biology now,” Rachel said quietly.

“Okay,” Quinn said.

Rachel walked to the door and pulled it open with the paper towel in her hand. She turned around to crumple it into a ball and threw it into the trash can. It went in.

Rachel exchanged a look with Quinn.

“Yay,” Rachel cheered softly, only half joking. She grinned at Quinn.

Quinn chuckled and smiled back. It was ridiculous how cute she thought that was. Ridiculous _and_ embarrassing. “Yay,” she echoed.

\--

If their relationship were a dance, it would be the awkward kind where they each forgot who was leading and so everything got confused. If their relationship were a dance, it would be the kind where they stepped on each other toes and had to mutter barely sincere apologies. If their relationship were a dance, it would be the kind where they didn’t want to be partners in the first place.

Quinn was tired of the dance metaphors. She was tired of Rachel Berry. Except for the fact that she really wasn’t.

By the middle of their junior year, Rachel and Puck seemed to have broken up, and it was amicable. It was kind of a relief, because as much as Quinn didn’t want to admit it, she’d been jealous. She was jealous of Puck for having Rachel, and she was jealous of Rachel for having Puck, and Quinn could never be sure which jealousy outweighed the other.

When it came to Puck, he was the father of her baby girl. He was a good dad and a nice guy when he stopped pretending that he wasn’t. He wasn’t a good boyfriend. He wasn’t the guy who would be faithful to her. Hell, he wasn’t even the guy who could pretend to be interested in her once she started looking like she was pregnant But he was the guy who could be depended on to get their daughter to her pediatrician’s appointment, and Lord God Almighty, there were a multitude of pediatrician’s appointments.

Quinn didn’t really _want_ Puck, except that some part of her held onto the romance of an intact nuclear family. Mom. Dad. Kid. Maybe even a dog. Except that her parents were still together, and her parents were assholes who threw her out of the house when she got pregnant. They eventually took her back, but that was only after Principal Figgins called Children’s Services and her father was threatened to have a petition of child abandonment lodged against him. But with Puck, sometimes she got ideas in her head about the two of them raising their daughter together. It wouldn’t be so bad-- he was great to look at and a great dad. She thought she could deal with all the other stuff, like the fact he had no intention of being faithful to anyone, ever. And the fact that as nice as he was, deep down, he could also be a real jerk, too.

When she contemplated her future with Puck, it always morphed into the kind of marriage her parents had, and that scared her more than anything. Puck was nothing like her dad, and she was nothing like her mother-- at least, Quinn hoped so. But Quinn couldn’t quite shake the fear that she would end up some silent, smiling dolt while her baby’s father didn’t even bother to hide his indiscretions. Quinn didn’t want to end up like that, not for herself and not for her baby. She knew she didn’t really want Puck, but she couldn’t quite shake off her feelings of possessiveness about him, either. Hence jealousy rearing its ugly head when he started to actually _date_ Rachel.

When it came to Rachel, things were a lot more complicated, because their relationship was a lot more complicated.

One day, Rachel was just some annoying girl at school. And Quinn still wasn’t ready to face up to what it meant that Rachel was on her radar at all. There were plenty of losers at McKinley High that Quinn wouldn’t recognize if they suddenly became attached to her ass. But for whatever reason, ever since they first crossed paths at McKinley High, Rachel was always on Quinn’s radar.

Then Rachel was her rival, only kind of, because Finn was too good of a guy to ever leave her for Rachel. Quinn wished she’d been a better girlfriend to Finn, but it was too late for regret. Then they were Glee clubmates, except that they kind of stayed rivals.

And then one day, when Quinn was pregnant and hormonal and trying to get a ketchup stain out her shirt in the bathroom, there Rachel was with a Tide stick.

“Here,” Rachel said, handing the orange tube to Quinn.

“Thanks.”

Quinn rubbed the stain out and was immediately pleased with herself. She passed the Tide stick back to Rachel and Rachel just looked so pretty, so _nice_ and smelled so good, Quinn couldn’t resist. She kissed Rachel. That one kiss led to an invitation to come over to Rachel’s to “study” and that led to…well, sex.

And it was only sex.

It was only sex until it wasn’t anymore.

It started to be more than that, at least for Quinn. Maybe not enough that she could really acknowledge their relationship, maybe not enough for her to start being nicer to Rachel than she was mean, and maybe not enough for her to stop being mean to Rachel during school hours, but it was more than just sex.

She never got the impression that it meant more than just sex to Rachel, so Quinn never said anything. There were no flowery declarations of undying love, no adolescent promises of a wonderful, beautiful future together. It was just sex. Lips against lips, hips pressed against hips, fingers brushing over each other’s bodies.

And then one day, it was over. Abruptly over. And Quinn wanted to protest. She wanted to point out that Rachel never made an effort either, never made an effort to really speak to her at school outside of Glee or Glee-related topics. But then she had to concede to herself that Rachel had made offers of friendship that she’d shut out. But she wasn’t ready then.

When she saw Puck and Rachel walking arm in arm in the hallways at school, or the fearless, unashamed way Puck kissed Rachel in the parking lot at school, Quinn was jealous of Puck for all things he could do with Rachel in public without fear of reprisal. Granted Rachel was still a geeky Glee club diva who was pretty low on the social totem pole, but she was still an attractive teenage girl, and no one was going to deny that Puckerman wasn’t pretty lucky for being able to board that ride.

But of course, one day, it was over between Puck and Rachel, too. And Quinn could not deny that she was a little glad for a multitude of reasons. She had the good grace for being a little embarrassed for herself for being glad though. And anyway, the only reason why she didn’t feel bad about being happy that Puck and Rachel broke up was that Rachel didn’t seem to feel that bad about it. If Rachel felt bad about it, she was doing a good job at covering it up.

They were friends, although Quinn could not characterize their friendship as being “close.” They were friendly to one another at school, said hello to one another, sometimes ate lunch together and exchanged class notes. They studied together sometimes, occasionally sat next to each other during Glee practice and touched up their make-up in the bathroom between classes with Brittany and Santana.

But the more time they passed, the closer they did become even if Rachel always seemed to maintain a slight distance from her. Rachel was just so nice to her-- always willing to share half her sandwich or give her an extra water bottle or study with her. And Rachel wasn’t doing it to claw her way up the ranks of the social echelon, because they were all pretty damn low on it. Rachel was wanted to be friends with her even after it was discovered that Puck was the real father of her baby, even after Quinn was no longer a Cheerio, even after Quinn’s popularity was akin to the sub-basement of a rickety old house and her friendship was therefore of no use to anyone. And more to the point, Rachel didn’t seem to want anything in return.

Her friendship had no strings attached to it, and the more she got to know Rachel, the more she wished they’d become friends sooner. Rachel was funny and sweet when she allowed herself just to be Rachel and not Rachel Berry, punctuated with a gold star. Quinn caught glimpses of the real Rachel, and she liked what she saw.

It was probably the best their relationship with one another ever had been and it was kind of a relief that things between them were good. It took a lot of energy to pretend like she hated Rachel. It took a lot of energy to pretend she was _indifferent_ to Rachel, too. It was just a lot easier to be friends with the brunette, and even though she thought it was kind of weird that Rachel never brought up what they once had even when they were alone together, it was also kind of nice to have Rachel link arms with her and rant about the Vocal Adrenaline team. If Quinn had to choose, she would take a Rachel who would link arms with her and rant about Vocal Adrenaline over a Rachel who would fuck her and then be gone immediately afterward. But that didn’t mean she didn’t miss what she once had with Rachel, because she did.  
\--

The first time Rachel and Brittany kissed, Brittany kissed her first. They’d been in the bathroom after school and Brittany just pulled her close and kissed her.

It’d been a pretty good kiss, even though Rachel’s first coherent thought after it happened was, ‘why do girls always kiss me in bathrooms?’

But Brittany was so upset and kept apologizing for it, and Rachel kept trying to reassure her that it was okay, it was no big deal. But Brittany kept crying and apologizing and saying “I didn’t want it to be like this” and when Brittany just couldn’t seem to be comforted, Rachel knew that it was outside her scope. She and Brittany were friends and she _adored_ Brittany, but this was way outside her realm of expertise.

“Brittany. Honey. Sweetheart. I want you to stay here. _Don’t_ leave. I’m going to find Santana and we’re going to make sure you get home. Okay. Stay right here.”

But Brittany was still crying in that awful, heart-breaking way and Rachel took a deep breath and ran out of the bathroom, passing two freshman girls along the way.

Rachel found Santana at her locker and breathlessly explained the situation, but left out the part about Brittany kissing her, because Rachel wasn’t an idiot and she knew the way Brittany and Santana felt about each other. Santana ran down the hallway into the bathroom, moving faster than Rachel had ever seen anyone move.

“Is everything okay?”

Quinn was suddenly at her side and they watched as Santana entered the bathroom. Moments later, two freshman girls made their hasty exit.

Rachel’s brows furrowed together. “I’m not sure,” she admitted. “Brittany’s really upset though.” She hesitantly took a step forward. “Should I do something? Should I go back in there?”

Quinn reached for Rachel’s wrist to stop her. “No. I think Santana’s got it.”

Rachel was still worried, but she knew Quinn was likely to be correct. She decided it was best just to go home. “Yeah,” she said. She smiled at Quinn. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Quinn said. “See you tomorrow.”

After that, it was an open secret that Santana and Brittany were a couple, not that it was much of a secret before. Rachel couldn’t recall a time when either Santana or Brittany looked happier, and she was happy for them.

That happiness sort of infected all of them, and the summer between their junior and senior year was the best one that Rachel could ever remember. She spent a lot of time with the Glee kids that summer, and Santana and Brittany were always all over one another, and no one cared or said anything. The thing about Glee club was that even though none of them were above being gossips, they truly did accept one another as they were. They didn’t necessarily all like one another or anything, but they accepted each other enough that things were peaceful and nice. And Rachel kind of liked that.

But by winter of that year, things between Brittany and Santana chilled considerably, and no one seemed to know why because neither Brittany nor Santana were saying anything. They were still friends, but it was clear that they’d broken up, and it was also clear that they were both upset about it.

The second time Rachel and Brittany kissed, it was because she kissed Brittany first.

Brittany had been sad all week, and they both happened to be lingering around after school. Rachel had no idea how to make Brittany feel better, so she just kissed the blonde.

It was a good kiss, and Rachel had to admit she was a little breathless when they pulled apart, and it wasn’t only from the lack of oxygen. Kissing Brittany, it was dizzying and Rachel could easily understand why Santana was so dazzled.

“Are you going to run away from me now?” Brittany asked quietly, when they just stared at one another.

“No,” Rachel said softly. “No, I’m not. I’m right here, Brittany.”

“Because when I kiss girls, they run from me.”

“I’m not much of a runner,” Rachel said, touching Brittany’s cheek.

That seemed to make Brittany feel better because Brittany smiled. “I’ve seen you run in gym class,” she said. “You really don’t run well.”

Rachel laughed and hugged Brittany. “Please don’t be so sad, Brittany,” she murmured softly in Brittany’s ear. “It’ll get better, you’ll see.”

Brittany trembled in her arms. “I’m not so sure this time,” she whispered back.

Brittany told her about the way Santana ended things with her.

“She said she was sorry, but she broke up with me.” Brittany wiped at her eyes. “She must have lied to me all those times she told me she loved me.” She swallowed hard. “She said I’ll find someone new.”

“I’m sorry,” Rachel said quietly.

Brittany cried a little more, and there was nothing Rachel could say to make her feel better. So Rachel just let her cry and talk and give her the details that led to Santana and Brittany’s break up.

There was nothing Rachel could say to make Brittany feel better, and Rachel felt completely helpless. So, she kissed Brittan again, and that afternoon, Brittany followed her home. It wasn’t so long after that they started to kiss more frequently, and then suddenly, they were a couple. Santana was almost inconsolably upset and scarily angry. Rachel was tempted to tell her fathers that if she met with some grisly but accidental death, Santana Lopez was probably responsible for it, but she refrained.

Brittany defended her and the blonde wrapped her arm around Rachel protectively.

“Rachel doesn’t want to keep it a secret,” Brittany told Santana bluntly. “And she’s not afraid.”

Santana didn’t have a response for that, and Rachel felt guilty for the way she and Brittany walked away and left Santana behind to stare after them.

\--

Quinn didn’t start acutely missing Rachel _in that way_ until it became public knowledge that Rachel and Brittany were dating. It was kind of disturbing because Quinn couldn’t picture Brittany with anyone other than Santana. It was also kind of disturbing because seeing the sweetly affectionate way Rachel treated Brittany made Quinn long for the things she never really had with Rachel. Rachel had never sweetly taken her hand between classes or kissed her tenderly in the parking lot at school. Their relationship had been much more physical and almost…experimental. They’d been physically adventurous with one another, at least as much as her pregnancy would allow. But they were not sweet and tender to one another, not really anyway. But when she saw Rachel kiss Brittany, it made Quinn miss the way Rachel used to kiss her. Rachel was a good kisser. And now that she and Rachel were friends-- actual friends and not just friends in Glee, she could see why Brittany would want to be with Rachel. She kind of wanted to be with Rachel, too, and she just couldn’t picture Rachel with Brittany. And she honestly couldn’t picture Brittany with anyone other than Santana, and it wasn’t just because she kind of wished she could be with Rachel again.

It was pretty clear Santana couldn’t picture Brittany with anyone other than her, either, but she wasn’t doing anything about it.

It was a cold February day in their senior year, and everyone was gathered at Matt’s house. There were football players, Cheerios and Glee kids everywhere in addition to random students who had no particularly affiliation to a extracurricular activity.

Quinn came upon Santana half staring and half glaring at Brittany and Rachel who were sitting close to one another on the couch. Brittany was gesturing wildly, her arms flapping in the air, and Rachel was laughing so hard she was doubled over, clutching her stomach.

“Seriously!” Brittany said insistently.

Rachel paused in her laughter, stared at Brittany for a moment and then immediately started to laugh again, her mouth open wide and her eyes closed.

Brittany laughed, too, and half crawled onto Rachel so that they were practically lying down. Brittany held onto Rachel until Rachel stopped laughing and then the blonde slid up Rachel’s torso and pressed a kiss on Rachel’s cheek.

“I like it when you laugh,” Brittany was heard to say.

Santana growled in disgust and turned around. She walked away and Quinn followed after her. As they walked away, Quinn could see Mike looking longingly at Brittany and Puck looking thoughtfully at Rachel. Quinn wondered when the hell McKinley High School became Melrose Place (the old one, not the new one, because she’d seen the old ones as reruns on E! when she was a kid, but she’d yet to check out the new one)

“Hey,” Quinn said, reaching for Santana’s hand and pulling her into a corner. “Are you okay?”

Santana was in tears. Quinn could not recall ever seeing Santana cry. At least, not in a way that wasn’t meant to be manipulative. She’d seen Santana cry to get out of a speeding ticket, she’d seen Santana cry to get Mr. Chambers to change her grade from a B+ to an A-, and she’d seen Santana cry to get out of detention after being tardy, but she’d never seen Santana sincerely cry.

Santana wiped her hand angrily at her cheeks. “Can we, like, just get _out_ of here?”

“Okay,” Quinn said softly.

They drove around aimlessly for a while in Santana’s car. Santana was quiet for the first hour, but then everything just sort of came out.

“I think Brittany is actually in love with her,” Santana whispered. “I thought she was doing it just to get back at me but…” Santana’s voice quivered slightly. “I should have known she’s not like that.”

Quinn touched Santana’s shoulder. “What happened? You guys seemed so happy.”

“Joe caught me and Brit one day,” Santana said, her voice very stark and very flat. “And he said he was going to tell our parents if I didn’t you know, start doing his chores and stuff. It was easy at first, but he started to keep holding it over my head and my parents can never know. If it was just the stupid fucking chores, it would be so easy, but every time I would take longer in the bathroom or something, he’d say he was going to tell our Mom and Dad. I couldn’t take it. So I ended it with Brittany.” She sniffled. “I knew it was going to hurt, but I didn’t think it was going to hurt this bad.”

“Pull over,” Quinn said quietly.

Santana wiped at her eyes and looked at her suspiciously. “Why?” she demanded.

“Just pull over.”

“Why?”

“Just pull over!”

Santana sighed in exasperation and huffed. But she pulled over. “ _What_?” she demanded, glaring at Quinn once she put the car into park.

Quinn pulled Santana close into a hug and held the other girl. “I’m really sorry,” she said sincerely. “I kind of know how you feel.”

“I really want to kill Rachel,” Santana said, the words coming out in a half-sob. “I miss Brittany.”

“I know,” Quinn said softly. She just held Santana and stroked her hair.

Santana cried for a few minutes and then she pulled away and angrily wiped at her eyes.

“You can’t tell anyone I cried over this,” she said. “I am not some sad ass girl that cries over this shit.”

Quinn smiled. “I promise,” she said softly.

Santana’s lip trembled. “I’ve loved her since the sixth grade,” she said. “What am I going to do now?” she whispered. “I’m all alone now.”

Santana sounded so hopeless and so sad and so hurt, Quinn had no idea what to do. It was the only time she’d ever seen Santana be really upfront and truthful about the way she felt. And it honestly freaked Quinn out a little bit.

So Quinn did the only thing she could think to do.

“You aren’t alone,” Quinn said quietly.

And then she kissed Santana.

And then she wasn’t alone anymore, either.

After that, she and Santana continued to kiss. And just like with Rachel, the kissing led to sex. And it wasn’t dating, and it wasn’t love, but it was enough for both of them. And there was no debate about whether it should be kept a secret, because they both knew it had to be a secret. Quinn knew she could never tell her family-- she was on thin ice as it was. Once she was 18, she knew she was out of the house, and this time, there would be no children’s services to inform her father of his parental duty. Santana felt like she couldn’t tell her family either, although Quinn privately thought that it was possible Mr. and Mrs. Lopez already knew. Quinn had seen the way Santana and Brittany’s parents exchanged glances when they looked at their girls, but Quinn knew it wouldn’t help to tell Santana that she thought Santana was underestimating her parents. Quinn didn’t want to run the risk that she was overestimating them, the way she’d secretly once overestimated her own.

And then after a while, Quinn felt comfortable enough to tell Santana that she’d once secretly dated Rachel. After Santana got over her initial outrage (something about she and Rachel Berry sleeping with all the same people), Santana was able to ruefully joke if Rachel and Brittany were willing to trade. Quinn couldn’t even bring herself to be upset, because a part of her also wished Rachel and Brittany were willing to make a trade.


	2. Chapter 2

2a

Rachel loved Brittany, but she wasn’t _in_ love with Brittany which Rachel knew was ridiculously clichéd and kind of a cop-out at that, but it was true. But Brittany was so sweet to her, so good and kind that Rachel could not ever see herself ending it and being able to live with it. She knew she was a second choice anyway, but Brittany was clearly still so hurt by Santana that Rachel could not imagine herself adding to Brittany’s despair by ending things. It seemed like it was the only thing which took Brittany’s mind off Santana, and Rachel was okay with being the substitute. At least, in this case.

Besides, Brittany was easy to love.

People seemed surprised by their relationship, and Rachel could understand why. But Brittany was so good to her, it made Rachel want to be good to Brittany, too. They may not have been in love with one another, but they did love each other, and that seemed to be enough for both of them.

Besides, even if they weren’t in love, she still wanted to be a better person for Brittany, and Rachel thought that was the whole point of relationships. Santana seemed like she wanted to be hostile, but didn’t allow herself to be. Finn, Matt and Puck were more or less indifferent to the gay thing, but seemed to relish in the fact that she and Brittany were a couple and still snapped the occasional picture on their camera phone any time she and Brittany kissed. Rachel knew Brittany was hot, and she had enough self-esteem to know she was pretty good-looking herself, but she had no idea what it was with boys when it came girls who made out with other girls. (Rachel could not quite allow herself to consider herself a lesbian, because she honestly didn’t think she was. She still liked boys. A lot. It was just that at the moment, she had Brittany and she wasn’t going to give Brittany up). Mike was envious, but he was quiet and kept that to himself. He was supportive, because he was supportive of Brittany. Kurt seemed oddly triumphant, but only because he was glad he wasn’t the only gay kid in Glee. Artie didn’t care one way or the other. He wasn’t titillated or triumphant and Rachel totally loved him for it. Mercedes and Tina didn’t care either, even though Mercedes did mutter something about Glee turning into _The Red Shoes Diaries_ which was a reference Rachel had to Wikipedia and was vaguely offended by once she understood the implication. But Quinn turned out to be the most supportive of all, which took Rachel totally by surprise.

She didn’t eat lunch with Quinn very often anymore, because she tended to have lunch with Brittany, and Quinn tended to have lunch with Santana and that would have just been _awkward_. Brittany and Santana were still friends, but things were still so awkward between them that Rachel didn’t want to add to the discomfort by being present when Brittany and Santana were together.

Consequently most of her interactions with Quinn were relegated to the classes they shared together and Glee practice.

When she sneezed one day before their English class started, Quinn passed her a tissue.

“Thanks,” Rachel said.

“You’re not getting sick are you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I never get sick.”

“That’s what you said before you got pneumonia that one time.”

Rachel looked dismissive. “That just means I won’t get it again.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works,” Quinn said. “Maybe if you paid more attention in Biology, you would have an idea of how that works.”

Rachel grinned at her. “Well, that’s how it’s going to work for me.”

Quinn chuckled. “Okay, if you say so.” She paused. “It was kind of scary though. You looked so sick even when you came back.”

Rachel raised an eyebrow. “Have you been waiting all this time just to tell me I looked terrible?”

Quinn snorted in derision. “Please, like I need to wait to tell you when you look terrible? If you look terrible, I’m going to let you know.”

“You haven’t said anything to me about that in a while though.”

“Well,” Quinn said. “You haven’t worn anything that made me want to gouge my eyes out in a while, so I guess you’re okay.”

“I’m glad we’re friends so we can talk about this subject so openly.”

“Me too,” Quinn said.

“Hey Berry, munch on any carpets today?” Cindy Turner called out.

Quinn glared at the interloper in her conversation with Rachel. “Hey Cindy, get tested for any STDs this week?” she snapped. “Why don’t you shut the hell up?”

“Hey Quinn, get impregnated by anyone else’s best friend lately?”

Quinn’s mouth opened in outrage, but Rachel spoke first.

“Hey Cindy?” Rachel called out.

Cindy glared at Rachel “What?”

“Nothing,” Rachel said. She hurled a crumpled piece of paper at Cindy which hit Cindy squarely on the nose. “Just shut up about things you don’t know anything about, okay?” She turned to look at Quinn, pleased. “Hey, I’m surprisingly athletic. Maybe basketball is my sport.”

Quinn thought back to the day Rachel threw in her paper towel into the trashcan in the bathroom. Even after all the time that had passed, she still had to smile at the memory of how triumphant Rachel looked and the way Rachel had cheered “yay” once it went in. It’d been ridiculously cute, and she was still embarrassed by how cute she found it.

“Maybe.”

The crumpled piece of paper was hurled back and hit Rachel on the side of the head. Rachel glared at Cindy, but picked up the piece of paper and threw it into the trashcan. She grinned happily when it went in and turned back to Quinn. “Okay, seriously. That’s cool, right?”

“It is,” Quinn agreed with a laugh. “God, you’re a nerd.”

“Maybe, but--”

Another ball of paper was hurled at Rachel and it hit the side of her head. Once again, Rachel ignored it. Quinn felt her temper flare, but Rachel looked calm. Then another ball of paper hit Rachel. And then another. There were giggles around the room, but Rachel looked calm and ignored it, placidly continuing her conversation with Quinn.

Then a ball of paper hit Quinn in the forehead.

Quinn saw Rachel’s expression change from calm to scarily mad in just a second. She couldn’t remember ever seeing Rachel truly mad. She’d seen Rachel upset and histrionic, and all diva-d out, but she’d never seen Rachel truly angry. Although at the moment, Rachel’s anger put her in rabid dog territory, which made ‘mad’ a more accurate descriptor than ‘angry.’ Rachel stood up and the room went quiet. Quinn looked at Cindy to see that Cindy no longer looked amused and instead looked fearful.

Rachel Berry was five foot two, even though she ridiculously lied on her driver’s license and said she was five foot four. It was ridiculous because anyone who stood next to her would know that was a bold-faced lie. Rachel was shorter and skinnier than a good chunk of the student body, but everyone also knew that Rachel was a little…well, Rachel was a little scary. Because she was honestly a little crazy.

“Don’t. Ever. _**Fucking**_. Throw. Another. Thing. At. Us.” Rachel said. Her hand clenched around the ball of paper in her fist and she held it menacingly close to Cindy’s face.

“Whatever.”

Rachel threw the ball of paper into Cindy’s face although not with great force and then sat down. It was more of a flick.

Seconds later, Quinn felt two balls of paper hit the back of her head in rapid succession.

Rachel was out of her seat in less than one second. The fight was over in ten seconds and it ended with Cindy in a crying heap on the ground. The room was quiet and when the teacher came in, and allegedly nobody saw anything despite the demands of the teacher. Cindy was excused to go to the girls’ bathroom, Quinn stared at Rachel in wonder and Rachel slunk down in her chair and looked ashamed.

After that day, Rachel was never Slushied again, and no one said a word to her about her relationship with Brittany. No one said a word to Quinn about her baby’s parentage, for that matter, either.

“I didn’t know you could fight,” Quinn said to Rachel as they exited their classroom once class was over.

Rachel looked at her, her expression droll. “I have two gay dads and I live in Lima. Why would you think I _wouldn’t_ know how to fight? It just takes a lot more now than a comment about my dads or a Slushie to my face to do it.”

Quinn couldn’t help but think Rachel was only provoked into the fight because Cindy Turner chose to bring her into the mix, but she didn’t want to say it, because she had no idea how Rachel would react. Still the thought that Rachel would have gotten into a fight on her behalf sort of made her giddy.

“You don’t even have a scratch on you,” Quinn noted, her hand reaching out to grasp Rachel’s chin, just to be sure. She turned Rachel’s face so she could look at Rachel’s left side in profile, and then did the same to her right side.

Rachel looked sad. “I don’t like to fight if I don’t have to.”

Her dads were optimists, but they weren’t fools. They were aware of the challenges that any child they brought into the world would face because that child would be raised by gay parents in a small town in a Midwestern state. Amidst all of her dance classes, singing lessons and beauty pageants were self-defense classes. When she was little, it was just tae kwon do and karate, stuff to defend herself against other kids if she had to. But when she got older and started to talk about Julliard, her fathers got anxious about her personal safety in the big city and made her take more aggressive forms of street self-defense. When her parents suggested krav maga which the flipping Israeli militia apparently used and muay thai, she drew the line. She wasn’t Laura Croft, she was just Rachel Berry.

She’d had the entire class period to think about the fight and although she wasn’t about to apologize for it, she felt bad she didn’t have the guts to just walk away. She went to a small private school from kindergarten through eighth grade and she’d gotten into two fights in fifth grade, both times with girls who made fun of her dads. Then she got into a fight in sixth grade with two boys, at the same time, and she’d kicked their asses and after that, there weren’t any more comments about her dads, and there were no more fights, but no one talked to her anymore after that, either. She thought she’d had a fresher start at McKinley, but everyone knew about her dads, and she got comments hurled at her, Slushies to the face, her locker defaced and anatomically flattering, but pornographic drawings of her sketched on the wall. Okay, so the last one was Quinn, who gave her much bigger breasts in those drawings than she actually had, but still.

Still, in Rachel’s mind, it was one thing to come after her, but it was another thing to come after her friends, and she did consider Quinn to be one of her friends. She knew the risks about being open about her relationship with Brittany, and she and Brittany talked about being open about it, and they both agreed they were okay with being open about it even though the school was notoriously intolerant. Rachel expected a few insults hurled her way, but she couldn’t tolerate someone bringing her friends into the mix.

“Then I’m sorry you had to,” Quinn said softly.

“It was kind of a stupid fight,” Rachel said looking contrite.

“Cindy Turner is a bitch.”

Quinn wasn’t sorry. Cindy Turner was a snippy bitch and had been since the fourth grade, which was when she first met Cindy.

Moments later, Brittany bounded up to them and practically jumped into Rachel’s arms. She threw her arms around Rachel’s neck. “Rachel! I heard you won a fight!”

Rachel chuckled and hugged Brittany. “It wasn’t much of a fight.”

“Cindy Turner was mean to me yesterday,” Brittany declared with a tiny sniff.

Rachel and Quinn exchanged a look. Rachel took Brittany by the hand. “Maybe it wasn’t such a stupid fight after all,” Rachel told Quinn. In fact, now Rachel thought it was totally worth it.

“Huh?” Brittany asked.

“Nothing,” Rachel said. “I’ll walk you to class. I’ll see you in Government, Quinn.”

“Yeah,” Quinn said.

Rachel looked at Quinn as she and Brittany walked away, and she found that Quinn was looking at her back. Rachel did not even want to begin to contemplate what that could mean.

After the fight, Santana did start to look at Rachel with a bit more respect.

“Oh, she was totally defending your honor,” Santana assured when Quinn told the brunette about later that day. They were driving to Santana’s house at the time. “I mean, I wouldn’t have gotten into a fight over you.”

“Thank you, Santana. That really makes me feel good.”

But Quinn knew that the only person Santana would get into a fight over was Brittany. And that kind of seemed right to Quinn.

“I was just saying,” Santana said with a shrug. She put her arm around Quinn. “But if you got into a fight, you know I’d have your back.”

Quinn chuckled. “Would you really?”

“I really would,” Santana said. She glanced around, saw no other cars on the road and pressed a quick peck to Quinn’s cheek. “So tell me again, Cindy Turner cried, right?”

“She did,” Quinn said with a grin. She thought about the way she and Santana both relished in the fact that Cindy Turner cried. She thought about the way both Rachel and Brittany looked sorry about the fight the more time that passed by during the day-- Rachel because she was the actual winner of the fight and Brittany because she couldn’t bring herself to hate anyone enough to want them to cry. Quinn thought about these things and then thought that maybe they were arranged just as they should be.

\--

It was a sunny April day when Brittany came over. They’d been dating for a few months, and they were at that point in their relationship when they could go to each other’s houses and enter each other’s rooms without knocking.

“Hey Brittany,” Rachel greeted, grinning. Her eyes narrowed in concern and she stood up to approach Brittany. “Are you okay? You look upset. What’s wrong?”

“I kissed Santana,” Brittany blurted, her eyes immediately squeezed shut and her entire body flinched, like she was getting ready for a blow. .

Rachel paused and waited to be angry or hurt, but the truth was, she wasn’t. “Oh.”

Brittany continued to have her eyes shut, and her body hunched, waiting.

“Brittany,” Rachel said patiently. “I’m not going to hit you.”

Brittany opened only one eye. “You’re not?” she asked cautiously.

“No,” Rachel chuckled.

“Not even a little bit?”

Rachel wrapped her arms around Brittany’s waist and pulled the blonde in close. “I would never do that,” she said sincerely. “I love you.”

Brittany’s eyes pooled with tears. “Don’t say that,” she whispered. “Don’t tell me you love me after I kissed Santana.”

Rachel gave her a tender smile and tucked a stray lock of Brittany’s hair behind her ear. “It’s okay that you love her more,” she murmured. “We don’t have to keep doing this. You can go back to her. Don’t feel bad or guilty. But I still love you. Because you’re my friend and you’re easy to love.”

“You don’t want to be with me?” Brittany asked, sounding confused and hurt. “Is that why you aren’t mad?”

Rachel took Brittany by the hand. “Sit down,” she said, leading Brittany to her bed. She sat down and tugged on Brittany’s hand. She patted the space next to her. “Sit.”

Brittany sat down next to her, her eyes huge as she peered into Rachel’s eyes.

“I’m not mad,” Rachel said quietly. “And I _do_ want to be with you. I _love_ you. But I always knew you loved Santana more.”

Brittany bit her lower lip. “I’m sorry,” she said softly.

Rachel smiled at her. “You never lied to me about that.”

“No,” Brittany said quietly. “But I still feel bad about it.”

Rachel hugged her. “You’re the best,” she declared fondly.

Brittany looked upset. “You’re being too nice to me about this. Why aren’t you mad?”

Rachel shrugged. “I just want you to be happy,” she said sincerely. “You’re my friend, and you make me happy.”

Brittany swallowed hard. “I’m sorry,” she said again.

Rachel sighed. “What happened?” she asked. “I mean, it’s been months since you guys were together. So what changed?”

“Santana’s parents know,” Brittany said quietly. “They said they’ve always known. They found out Joey’s been trying to get Santana to do stuff for him because he caught us. But they already knew.”

A part of Brittany was a little thrilled that Joe Lopez was in so much trouble, and that Santana wasn’t. But only a part of her, because she wasn’t the sort of person who reveled when someone else was in trouble. Santana’s parents knew, and Santana was relieved and glad, and Brittany was relieved and glad because Santana was. It meant everything could go back to normal. Except now there was Rachel. Brittany didn’t want to just release Rachel out into the world. Brittany was happy with Santana, and that meant she wanted everyone else she loved to be happy the way she was happy, too.

“I’ve loved her since we were in sixth grade, when we were on drill team together,” Brittany tried to explain. Because she felt like she owed Rachel an explanation.

Rachel was always nice to her, helped her with her homework, and wasn’t afraid to take her hand or to kiss her in public. Once, when it’d been particularly cold, Rachel touched her cheek before they left school, took off her scarf and wrapped it around Brittany’s neck. “It’s really cold out,” Rachel had explained. “And you get cold more easily than I do.”

It’d been breathtakingly tender, and Brittany wasn’t a greedy sort of person who wanted a whole bunch of people to love her, but she was very glad at that moment that Rachel did love her.

All Brittany ever wanted was _one_ person to love her. Well, one person who wasn’t, like, her mom or her dad or her sisters and brother. Someone outside of her family. When Mike Chang told her he loved her, Brittany felt lucky because Mike was sweet and funny and nice to her. It probably could have been enough for her forever, except that Santana told her she loved her, too.

Santana was always good to her, and that made Brittany feel special because Santana wasn’t always very nice to everyone. In fact, a lot of the time, Santana was mean to everyone. That was just Santana’s way and Brittany had long accepted it the way Santana accepted the fact that Brittany wasn’t as smart as anyone else. Besides, even though Santana could be mean to people, Brittany didn’t think Santana was a mean person.

The last thing Brittany set out to do when she started dating Rachel was to hurt Rachel. She just thought that one day, maybe when Rachel went away to college or whatever, that Rachel would just leave her behind and that would be the end of that. She’d always just assumed that Rachel would be the one to leave her-- leave her for college, leave her for Quinn (it was apparent to Brittany that just as Rachel was a replacement of sorts for Santana, she was a replacement of sorts for Quinn), leave her for Finn or maybe for Puck.

Brittany just didn’t consider herself to be the sort of girl a person stayed for, so she was a little surprised that she was leaving Rachel behind for Santana.

“I just really love her,” Brittany said, when Rachel hadn’t said anything at all for a few minutes. It was scary how calm Rachel was because Rachel tended to throw a fit if the cafeteria ran out of her favorite flavor or Jell-o or something. Brittany thought kissing Santana would have warranted a bigger reaction out of Rachel. It was cheating, after all. And while Brittany shamelessly cheated on tests (they were hard!), she didn’t want to cheat on people. She’d already cheated on Mike with Santana and she felt bad enough about that. She didn’t want to become the sort of person that just kept cheating on people.

Brittany knew she wasn’t smart, but she thought she was better than that.

“I know,” Rachel said, her voice subdued. “I know you love her. She loves you, too. Anyone can see it.”

“Really?” Brittany asked softly.

“And she’s good to you,” Rachel said. It came out as a half-statement, half-question.

“Yeah,” Brittany said softly. “She is.” She wrapped her arm around Rachel’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Rachel said with a sigh. “This is just the way it’s supposed to be.”

Brittany gave her a bright smile. “You really think so?”

Rachel grinned at her. “You and Santana? Definitely.”

“Are we still friends? Brittany asked hesitantly.

Rachel laughed warmly and hugged Brittany, holding her close. “We’re still friends,” she assured. “We can be friends as long as you’d like.”

Brittany kissed Rachel’s cheek. “I want us to always be friends.”

“I want us always to be friends, too.”

“But just friends,” Brittany added quickly. “No more sex. Because Santana would get really mad and I don’t think I can stop her from hitting you now that she and I are back together.”

Rachel bit back her laughter. “I understand.”

The truth was, it did sort of hurt to be rejected, especially by someone as good as Brittany. But Rachel had always known she was the second choice, and in all honesty, Brittany wasn’t what she wanted either. She didn’t want to hold Brittany back from where she truly belonged, and at least at the moment, Brittany belonged with Santana.

“Tell Santana if she hurts you, I’ll kick her ass,” Rachel said.

Brittany raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think you could do that,” she said mildly. “I know you can fight, but I’ve seen Santana fight a boy and win.” She paused. “But that was in the seventh grade. She smashed ketchup and tator tots in his face.”

Rachel could easily picture Santana doing that. “Well, if she hurt you, I’d have to,” Rachel joked. But she kind of meant it, too. There was just something about Brittany that made a person protective.

Brittany looked upset again. “Don’t be so nice to me,” she pleaded. “You’re making it harder to do this.”

“Sorry,” Rachel apologized.

Brittany hugged her again. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“I know,” Rachel said quietly, stroking Brittany’s hair.

\--

Santana was a bitch, but she wasn’t heartless. Quinn was one of her friends, and she loved Quinn because of that. But the whole problem with her and Quinn was that she didn’t love Quinn the way she loved Brittany. And anyway, a teenaged mom who was grimly counting down the days until she turned 18 and would be summarily kicked out from her parents’ house was not in Santana’s plans either. The only person she could handle that much drama from was Brittany, and Brittany was more or less a drama free zone. Most of the time. When Santana was honest with herself, all the drama that was brought into their relationship was drama that she brought, not drama that Brittany brought.

But just because she didn’t want to sign onto Quinn’s issues or maintain her current subscription didn’t meant she wanted to hurt Quinn either. She wanted to be delicate. But that just wasn’t her way.

“My parents found out about me and Brittany,” Santana said quietly one day when they were sharing a small plate of unauthorized French fries. She wasn’t supposed to have French fries or else Coach Sylvester would have a fit, and Quinn was always worried about gaining weight ever since she had her baby. Apparently, it was harder to maintain her weight with the same diet and exercise regime, or whatever.

Quinn’s eyes were wide. “Oh no,” she said. “Are you okay? What happened?”

Santana gave her a small smile. “It was actually really good,” she said.

She and her brother, Joseph, had gotten into a screaming argument. He’d taunted her for being a ‘dyke’ and once again threatened to tell their parents. It’d enraged her because she’d given Brittany up once the threat became too close and too near, and Joe was _still_ hounding her. She missed Brittany desperately, but Brittany seemed way too content to be with Rachel. And Brittany’s parents seemed to already know even though Brittany never came right out and said it, and Rachel’s fathers were obviously fine with the gay thing, and Santana knew Brittany just wanted a relationship that didn’t have to be hidden from the world. She had that with Rachel, and though it made Santana miserable, she knew that made Brittany happy. She couldn’t give Brittany that, so she settled for making out and having sex with Quinn in secret. It suited them both.

But Santana could see how much Quinn envied the openness that Brittany and Rachel had, too, and Santana knew that Quinn couldn’t give that to Rachel any more than she could give that to Brittany. It made them well-matched for this venture.

But when Santana’s mother had come upon her and Joey beating the crap out of each other, Santana couldn’t hold it in anymore. She blurted everything out. She expected the worst. She expected being hit in the head with the broom that her mother was still holding when she ran up the stairs to check on them. She expected a kick in the ass out the door. She expected her mother to cross herself and drag her to church.

But what she got instead was her mother yelling at her brother and slapping him on the back of the head. What she got was her mother grounding her brother indefinitely. What she got was her mother pulling her into her bedroom and quietly saying that her mother and father had known for a long time how Santana felt for Brittany.

Her mother touched her cheek. “Do you remember when you were thirteen, when you and Brittany got into that fight with that terrible kid? What was his name? Scott something?”

“Scott fucking Stewart,” Santana huffed, wiping at her eyes.

“Santana,” her mother reprimanded.

“Sorry.”

“You were so angry about what Scott said to Brittany, and she was more upset that he hurt you than what he said to her.” Her mother sighed gently. “That was when I knew. Your father and I both knew.”

Santana sniffed. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Her mother looked rueful. “We honestly hoped you would grow out of it. You seemed to. You dated Noah and Matthew.”

That nearly broke Santana. “I don’t think I’m going to, Mom,” she said her voice cracking.

“I know,” her mother said quietly.

“Are you and Dad going to kick me out of the house?” Santana whispered.

“Why would we do that?” her mother asked. “You’re still our child. You’re our only girl.” Her mother reached for her and pulled her close. “Whatever you believe about your father and me and whatever you might believe about yourself, you’re our baby girl. We longed for a girl, and we had you. And we’ve cherished every moment with you, from the awards to the trips to the principal’s office for fighting. This isn’t what we wanted for you, I won’t lie to you. But I never wanted you to be blackmailed by your brother over this either. You don’t need to keep secrets from us. We love you.”

Santana sighed shakily. “You couldn’t have told me this a few months ago?” she asked ruefully.

Her mother laughed sadly. “I didn’t realize you and Brittany broke up because you didn’t know where your father and I stood on the matter.”

Santana hugged her mother. “Mom,” she whispered. “If I could have changed, I would have. I tried, I really did. But this is just the way I am.”

Mrs. Lopez drew a deep, shaky breath. “You don’t need to change.”

Santana pulled away and wiped at her eyes. “Mom, can I go over to Brittany’s? I really need to talk to her.”

Mrs. Lopez smiled. “Okay,” she said. “But you need to come home afterward because you’re grounded for fighting your brother. That’s not what hands are for.”

Santana suppressed the urge to roll her eyes at that. Ever since she and her brothers were small, and they would fight amongst each other, her parents always intervened and asked, “what are hands for? Are hands for hitting? No! They’re for shaking hands” and then would make the fighting parties shake hands. It was horrible.

“Okay, mom.”

When Santana went to Brittany’s that day, she half-expected to have to chase Rachel away, but Rachel wasn’t there.

Brittany looked at her a little warily, but they were still friends and so Santana followed Brittany up to her bedroom the way she had countless times before.

“I know you’re with Rachel now,” Santana said nervously. “But I just wanted you to know that I still love you, Brittany. I’ve really missed you these past few months.”

Brittany had her arms crossed in front of her chest. “What about your parents?” she asked flatly. “You told me that they absolutely could never find out.”

Santana shifted uncomfortably. “It turned out they kind of already knew.”

Brittany nodded slowly. “But what happens the next time there’s someone you don’t want to find out about us?”

“Brit…”

“I don’t mind being a secret,” Brittany said softly. “I kind of liked it when it was just me and you and no one knew. It felt…” she sighed. “Special. But I don’t want to break up every time you get scared that someone is going to find out. It made me too sad. I don’t want you to keep telling me that you’re sorry or that I’m going to find someone new. And I don’t want you to lie to me and say you love me.”

Santana’s eyes blazed. “I _never_ lied to you when I said I loved you. I’ve meant it every time I said it. I’ve meant it since we were on the fucking drill team together, Brittany. I’ve meant it before either of us even got boobs!”

Brittany’s arms remained crossed in front of her. “I already had boobs when we met,” she corrected. “You didn’t.”

Santana scowled because she didn’t like to be reminded of the days when she’d been short, skinny and oh-so woefully underdeveloped. But it meant something to her that Brittany had loved her, even back then, when there was nothing really to love other than just herself.

“I never lied to you,” Santana said. “Ever. Not about loving you.”

“It was easy enough for you to break up with me,” Brittany pointed out.

“It nearly killed me,” Santana said quietly. “It was never easy for me. It wasn’t easy to see you with Rachel, and being so public and knowing I could never do that for you. But I can now, Brittany. And I promise you. I _swear_ just give me a chance and I won’t ever hide us again. There’s no one we need to hide from!”

“I can’t hurt Rachel,” Brittany said flatly. “She’s my friend.”

Santana swallowed hard. “Do you love her?”

Brittany looked defiant. “Yes,” she snapped, losing her temper for the first time in as long as she could remember. “Of course I do!”

Santana looked like she was going to burst into tears. “Are you in love with her?”

Brittany sucked in a short gasp of air. “I’m in love with you,” she admitted softly after a short pause.

Santana gave her a small, hopeful smile and Brittany just couldn’t resist. She kissed Santana.

Santana felt herself melt into Brittany and she wanted to cry because it felt so right. She had her girl again. The girl she’d been fascinated by standing next to her in drill team practice in sixth grade. The girl she fell in love with over sleepovers and shared lunches all throughout middle school. The girl she was already in love with by the time they were invited to tryout for the Cheerios with the promise that if Sue Sylvester only chose one of them, Sue Sylvester would get neither of them.

Brittany promised she would end things with Rachel, but she didn’t want to kiss again until she talked to Rachel. Brittany looked so distressed and distraught, Santana was worried that Brittany would change her mind. She was worried Rachel would somehow make Brittany change her mind. Her fears elevated when Brittany declined her offer to come with her when Brittany talked to Rachel.

Santana didn’t have the heart to tell Brittany that while Brittany was in a relationship with Rachel, Santana had been sleeping with Quinn. She knew it had to come out eventually, but Santana wanted to take care of things with Quinn first before she told Brittany about it.

Which was how Santana came to tell Quinn all about it.

“My parents found out about me and Brittany,” Santana said quietly as they shared some fries. She thought it was best to do this in a public place. Quinn was much less likely to throw a fit.

Quinn’s eyes were side. “Oh no,” she said. “Are you okay? What happened?”

Santana smiled at her. “It went really well,” she said. She fiddled with a salt shaker and evaded Quinn’s eyes. “I kissed Brittany yesterday,” she admitted softly.

Quinn looked thoughtful, but she didn’t say anything.

Santana drew back a little. “You’re not going to throw ketchup or something at me, are you?” she asked. “Because I know I deserve it, but I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from throwing down.”

Quinn raised an eyebrow and looked disdainful at the idea. “Why would I do that?”

Santana shrugged. “It just seems customary somehow.”

Quinn sighed deeply. “These have been some very weird years,” she commented.

Santana chuckled. “You’re not mad?”

Quinn shrugged and leaned in close so that no one could hear them. “Weren’t we always doing what we were doing because you couldn’t have Brittany?”

Santana raised an eyebrow. “And because you couldn’t have Rachel?”

Quinn scowled. “Rachel and I were just a fling. You and Brit…” she sighed. “You guys were the real deal. I always knew it, even before I actually knew it.” She smiled at Santana. “I’m really glad your parents were cool about it. I’m happy for you.”

Santana looked apologetic. “I’m sorry that your parents are still so shitty.”

Quinn sighed. “I’ve got another month and half until I turn 18,” she said softly. “I’ll think of something.”

Santana reached for Quinn’s hand and squeezed it. “We’ll figure something out.”

Quinn grinned at her. “Maybe you fell a little in love with me,” she teased. “I think that happens when you sleep with me,”

Santana rolled her eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself, Fabray. I’m a one-woman kind of girl.”

Quinn chuckled. “I guess you are.”

Santana’s eyes softened. “Rachel’s single now, you know. And she doesn’t dress in clothes that are so painful to look at anymore.”

“She still dresses the same, we’ve just built an immunity to it.”

Santana made a face as if she’d just smelled something bad. “It’s sad, but I think you’re right.” She chuckled. “She and I need to stop sleeping with the same people. Puck. You. Brittany.”

Quinn smiled crookedly. “Well, you guys can stop now.”

“Yeah,” Santana said with a sigh. “Anyway. If you want a shot at her, you should go for it now. She’s…you know, vulnerable or whatever.”

Quinn gave her another crooked smile. “I think we lost our chance.” She smiled at Santana. “But I’m glad you have yours with Brit,” she said sincerely. And she really truly meant it.

\--

Rachel watched as Brittany and Santana shamelessly made out on Matt’s couch. Yeah, she was a little jealous. It’d only been two weeks since she split up with Brittany. She’d cared deeply for Brittany, but mostly she was just happy for the blonde.

“You know,” Quinn said, coming up from behind her to stand next to her. “It wasn’t that long ago that I was standing here with Santana and you were sitting where Santana was sitting.”

Rachel sniffed in disdain. “I did not make out on Matt’s couch.” She paused. “Much.”

Quinn chuckled and offered Rachel a cup filled with cranberry juice and cheap vodka. “It’s terrible,” she said. “But if you feel like getting drunk, it will do the trick.”

“I don’t get drunk,” Rachel said, giving Quinn a long look. She took the proffered cup anyway and took a long gulp. “Thanks.”

Quinn laughed. “Are you okay? I mean, seeing Santana and Brittany make out.”

Rachel shrugged. “I’m fine with it.” She smiled. “Are _you_ okay with it? Brit tells me you have just as much to be jealous of as I do.”

Quinn blushed. Of course Santana had to tell Brittany about them, and of course Brittany told Rachel. “I’m okay with it.”

Rachel sighed. “This has been a really weird few years,” she commented.

Quinn’s eyes widened. “That’s exactly what I told Santana!”

Rachel chuckled. “Well, it really has been.” Rachel smiled at her. “Do you want to get out of here for a while,” she said. “I’ll buy you a slice of cheeseless pizza or something.”

Quinn smiled back. “I haven’t eaten cheeesless pizza since I was on the Cheerios.”

Rachel laughed. “Good, because what’s the point of eating a cheeseless pizza? I still don’t see it.”

“Well, one benefit is that your thighs don’t start to look like cottage cheese,” Quinn said.

Rachel smiled sincerely at her. “I think you’ve always been safe from that, Quinn.”

Quinn smiled back. “Are you okay to drive?”

Rachel nodded. “Yeah, that sip was all I had tonight.”

“Good,” Quinn said.

Within twenty minutes they were in Rachel’s car with the windows slightly rolled down, colas in paper cups in the cup holders and each holding a large slice of pizza on a white paper plate.

“Oh my God, this is so hot,” Rachel hissed trying to take a bite and wincing.

“Well, if you burn yourself, you can always sue,” Quinn teased.

Rachel chuckled. “So, are you really okay? I mean, with Brit and Santana getting back together.”

Quinn gave a very slight shrug of her shoulders. “Yeah,” she said. “I mean, Santana and I weren’t in love or anything. She was just really sad about Brittany and I had no idea what to do. So I kissed her.” Quinn made a face. “I don’t know how it got so far.”

Rachel nodded. “You know, that is exactly how I got involved with Brittany,” she chuckled. “I mean, the first time Brittany and I kissed, it was in the bathroom and she kissed me--”

“What is it with you kissing girls in the bathroom?” Quinn interrupted. “Is this your thing? Do you have some weird power that only works in the bathroom so that girls kiss you there?”

Rachel laughed. “No!” she exclaimed. “God. I hope not. The bathroom is not an ideal place to be kissing anyone.”

Quinn grinned. “So then since you’d already kissed Brittany, you decided you’d just kiss her again because she was sad?”

Rachel pouted. “Yes,” she said. “What’s your excuse with Santana? Did you kiss her before or something?”

Quinn snorted. “Please, the only girl Santana ever kissed before me was Brittany, and I think I set a new standard for Brittany to follow,” she joked.

Rachel raised an eyebrow. “You do flatter yourself. Brittany is a great kisser.”

“Well, so am I. You should know this.”

Rachel pretended to look thoughtful. “Well.”

“Hey!” Quinn said, legitimately outraged. Her hand reached out to swat at Rachel’s arm.

Unfortunately, Rachel was still holding her slice of pizza and the plate tumbled out of her hand.

“Crap!” Rachel exclaimed as the gooey, cheesy slice tumbled onto her shirt. She picked it off and put it back on her plate. She grabbed the plastic bag she kept in her car that she used as a trash bag and put the offending slice in. She gave Quinn a dirty look and reached for one of the napkins and dabbed at her shirt. “Thanks a lot,” she said. “See what happens when you’re physically abusive?”

Quinn scowled. “Well! You insinuated I wasn’t a good kisser.”

“I never did anything of the sort.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“ _Yes_ , you did.”

“ _No_ , I didn’t!.”

“Yes, you did!”

“No, I didn’t!”

“Yes, you--” Quinn looked adamant. “I am a good kisser!”

Rachel grinned at her. “Yes, you are,” she said sincerely.

Quinn grinned back. “All a girl wants sometimes is a little reassurance. Was that so hard?”

Rachel ducked her head and laughed softly. “Well, you didn’t have to knock my pizza out of my hands,” she said. “That was my dinner. I haven’t eaten yet.”

Quinn held hers up. “You can share mine,” she said softly.

Rachel smiled at her. “Thanks.” She dabbed at her shirt which was stained with grease and looked down at it in distaste. “You know,” she said, “if you didn’t like this shirt, there are more appropriate ways to tell me.”

Quinn laughed. “That’s one of your less embarrassing ensembles. It wasn’t a deliberate act.”

“That’s good to know.”

Quinn ripped her slice of pizza apart the best she could without any cutlery and looked at it in distaste. “This looks gross now.”

“Yeah, it does,” Rachel agreed.

Quinn put the slice of pizza into Rachel’s garbage bag.

“Sorry,” Quinn said apologetically.

Rachel laughed. “Come on,” she said. “My dads are out on date night. Come over to my house. I think we have Lean Cuisine pizza or _something_ in the freezer. I need to change my shirt anyway.”

“Sounds good,” Quinn said.

\--

  
2b  
It’d been a long time since she was in Rachel’s room, but it was exactly the way she remembered it. She didn’t think there would be any changes, but she was still surprised to see that it was exactly the way she remembered it.

Rachel found a couple of Lean Cuisine frozen foods in the freezer, popped them in the microwave and they were contentedly eating them, sitting cross-legged on the floor in Rachel’s room.

“So, did you submit your SIR form to BU yet?” Rachel asked.

Quinn sighed. “Not yet.”

Rachel’s eyes widened. “Quinn! You have, like, two weeks to do it! You’re going to miss the deadline.”

Quinn sighed again. “It’s going to be a real struggle. My parents aren’t going to help at all. But I really want to get out of Lima. But there’s no guarantee I’m going to get an affordable apartment. I can’t live in the dorm because of Maggie. And I won’t have Mrs. Puckerman to do all the babysitting. And I just don’t think college is right for me. At least, right now.”

Rachel sighed. “It would really suck if you stayed here,” she said quietly.

Quinn rubbed her face. “And I turn 18 in, like, three weeks, and my parents are totally going to kick me out. They’re just counting down the days.”

“I’m sorry your parents are still so awful.”

Quinn smiled grimly. “Yeah, me too.”

“At least…” Rachel hesitated. “At least you’re already a better parent than your parents were,” she said softly. “I think you should just…take a leap of faith and go to BU and hope everything will work out. If I had to choose one person that I knew was going to make it after high school, I’d choose you, Quinn.”

Quinn looked at her wryly. “You’re just trying to make me feel better.”

Rachel chuckled. “Look, you don’t get to be the Queen Bee of high school without being a little…you know, tenacious. I know you’d make it.”

Quinn raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, and now I’m a teen mom and a Gleek.”

Rachel laughed, but became somber. “I know Noah would help you.”

“Yeah,” Quinn said. “I know.”

“Listen…what if I talked to my dads and you could move in here after you turn 18?”

“You don’t have a spare bedroom,” Quinn pointed out.

“So we’ll share mine,” Rachel said. “If you go to BU, it’ll only be for a few months.”

“You don’t like to share,” Quinn said flatly.

“Well,” Rachel said. “Neither do you.”

“Yeah, but I have a sister. So I _know_ how to share, even though I don’t like to. You have no idea how to share.”

Rachel chuckled. “Well, I need to learn. I mean, I’m going to be sharing a dorm room at Julliard. I should start now.”

“But you’ll be sharing it with me _and_ Maggie.”

“Maggie doesn’t take up much space, she’s not even two yet.”

“Your dads will never say yes. I mean, why would they say yes?”

“Because my dads know what it feels like to be rejected by family,” Rachel said softly. Each of her fathers had been thrown out of the house when they were kids, too, and they’d found a way to make it. But they wouldn’t have made it without help, and they were willing to help Quinn, now, too, because Quinn had to make it. She just did. “They both do. Plus, they know you and they like you.”

Quinn looked dejected. “Yeah, but they’re not going to want to take on two more mouths to feed. I mean, I can’t pay them rent or anything. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Rachel released a soft breath. She wouldn’t have brought it up if she hadn’t already asked her dads. She wouldn’t have wanted to get Quinn’s hopes up, only to dash them.

“Would you want to live here? With me?” Rachel asked. “It’s going to be a tight fit. You and Maggie aren’t going to have your own rooms like you do at your house.”

Quinn’s lip curled in disdain. “I want out of there just as much as they want us out.”

“Would you want to live here?” Rachel repeated quietly. “With me.”

Quinn sighed softly. “I could think of worse fates, but--”

“I already asked my dads,” Rachel blurted softly.

Quinn looked at her, startled. “Why?”

Rachel tucked her palm under her chin and looked at Quinn thoughtfully. “You were worried about where you were going to go when you turned 18,” she said softly. “And I’m kind of…familiar with people who don’t change their minds. So I asked my dads, and they think it’s okay.” She thought back to when she was a kid and she’d make a friend only to be rejected by that friend when their parents found out who her parents were.

“I don’t know if it’ll work,” Quinn said softly.

“Well, if we kill each other, one of us can have her own room again,” Rachel joked.

Quinn laughed, but then became serious again. “I don’t have anywhere else I can go,” she said, her voice breaking slightly.

“You have here,” Rachel said. She looked around. “We can make space. It’ll only be for a few months, and then we’ll both go to college. Both of us,” Rachel said emphatically.

“I’ll be in student loan debt for the rest of my life if I go.”

Rachel grinned. “So will I.”

“My parents aren’t going to help me at all,” Quinn said quietly. “Your dads might be cool with Maggie and I staying here for a few months, but they’re going to want me out once it comes time for school to start again. I don’t know if I can do college. I mean, all that debt just to get out of Lima?”

“Student loan debt is much more benign than credit card debt.”

Quinn chuckled. “Who did you hear that from? Suze Orman?”

“Her advice can be very helpful.”

“I just don’t know.”

Rachel reached for Quinn’s hand and held it. “If I were you,” she said softly. “I would want out of Lima and do as much as possible. So you’re going to be paying off student loans, at least you’ll do it somewhere other than here.”

“Yeah,” Quinn said quietly.

“Just…just come live with us,” Rachel said. “You and Maggie. My dads are okay with it. I already asked. And then…go to college. Go to BU. I know that’s where you want to go. And it’s only about 200 miles from Julliard.”

Quinn raised an eyebrow. “Did you look that up?”

Rachel blushed. “Yeah.”

Quinn paused before asking. “Why?” she asked softly.

Rachel exhaled slowly. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “But we’re friends, and I kind of thought we’d stay friends after graduation.”

Quinn smiled. “I kind of thought so, too.” She bit her lip and looked down at her lap. “Why did you ask your dads if I could move in here?” she looked up at Rachel for the brunette’s response.

Rachel sighed softly. “You don’t have anywhere else to go,” she said sadly. “And it made me sad.” She smiled at Quinn. “We’re friends, even though it took us a while to get there.”

Quinn chuckled. “No kidding.”

“I know we can still be kind of crappy to each other sometimes,” Rachel said. “But I never mean it.” She paused. “Do you mean it?”

“No, of course not,” Quinn said immediately. “It just our way.”

“Exactly,” Rachel said with a grin. “It’s just our way. Other people, they’re nice and sweet to one another, like Brit and Santana. But we’re me and you, and sometimes we’re crappy to each other. It’s kind of our thing and I guess I like it. I mean, even though we still say mean things to each other, that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you or what happens to you. And you know I adore Maggie.”

“It’s going to be a tight fit,” Quinn warned quietly. “I’m pretty sure we’re going to make each other cry.”

“Then things will be status quo,” Rachel said with a breezy grin.

“You really don’t mind if I live here?”

“Well, will you?”

“Stop answering a question with a question!”

Rachel chuckled. “I would love to have you live here.”

Quinn felt tears come to her eyes. Since her father let her back into the house, all she wanted was to hear that from one of her parents. But somehow, hearing Rachel say it was even better.

“I’d love to live here.”

\--

It was a precarious balancing act having two teenaged girls and a toddler share a bedroom. The polite, courteous way they treated each other gave way to a screaming argument about hair on the carpet and filched sprays of perfume (with the lid left off). More than once Rachel stomped out of her bedroom to sleep on her sofa. More than once Rachel and Quinn glared at one another over the breakfast table with Rachel’s dad looking on in amusement.

“Honey, this is why we never gave you a little brother or sister every time you begged,” one of her fathers would invariably tell Rachel.

But for the most part, it was peaceful and Rachel’s fathers fell in love with Quinn’s little daughter, just like anyone in his or her right mind would. And Quinn and Rachel became even closer because that’s what happened when you had to share a room with someone. There were days when they hated each other, too, of course. But it worked out a lot better than anyone, even them, expected.

“I still think that they’re going to have a real blow up before the end of school,” Santana declared to Brittany one afternoon while they were at Brittany’s house.

Brittany laughed. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

Santana pouted. “You’re no fun. You didn’t even make a bet in the When Will Quinn and Rachel Have a Catfight pool.”

“But I don’t want them to fight.”

“Brittany,” Santana said patiently. “It’s not about wanting them to fight, it’s about making a little money when they do.”

“But they don’t want to fight either.”

“But they will,” Santana said wisely. “Those two always will.”

Brittany smiled beatifically. “I’m betting they won’t.”

Santana chuckled affectionately. “You’re no fun, but I love you anyway.”

They lapsed into an easy, comfortable silence until Santana spoke again.

“What would your life be like if I weren’t in it?”

Brittany paused as she thought about it. Hypothetical questions were not her strong suit, so she had to really think about her response. The bedroom door was locked, but no one was home, so Brittany knew they had some time. She was glad that once they got dressed, Santana would remember to unlock the door just in case her mom tried to open it, because her mother would get suspicious if she tried to open the door and found it locked. Her mother knew about her and Santana, but her mother wasn’t about to let them have sex under her roof. Therefore, the door had to be locked, which was good because they were naked and now she needed a moment to think.

“Like, if we stopped being friends or if we’d never met?” Brittany responded in a curiously astute moment.

Santana seemed pleased by the response, because she grinned and kissed Brittany’s cheek affectionately. “Either.”

Brittany pondered the question and came up with the only answer she could think of that would sufficiently cover her feelings about either scenario.

“Sad.”

Once again, the response seemed to be what Santana was looking for because Santana grinned at her and hugged her. Their faces pressed very close together.

“Me too,” she whispered.

“I’m still not betting with you,” Brittany said.

Santana sighed. After graduation, she was headed to UCLA for college and Brittany was going with her. Not to UCLA, but to Los Angeles, and Santana was counting down the days. She truly believed once they got out of Lima, everything would be okay. She could go to school, Brittany could dance and do whatever she wanted and eventually they would have one of those lives Santana saw on _The L Word_ when she was in middle school. Not that Santana wanted an _L Word_ sort of life, she wanted a drama free life with Brittany, but she wanted to live somewhere she felt like she was just fine the way she was. Santana vowed she would never let Brittany be a secret again or make Brittany feel like she was something to be ashamed of, and Santana never lived in LA, but she thought it would be a hell of a lot easier out there than in Lima, Ohio.

With her girl by her side, Santana just knew it was all going to be okay. Her relationship with Brittany was the one thing on the entire damn planet she had any real faith in, and she wasn’t going to let anything stop them, not when they’d come so far. It was just her and Brittany against the world, just the way it always had been, and the way it always would be.

Santana was good with that.

\--

It was surprising to no one that Rachel was the first of the Glee kids to leave Lima, at least amongst the Glee kids who were going away to college. She left in late July, just after her eighteenth birthday, and just a few weeks before the semester at Julliard would start. She’d stay with a family friend until the dorms opened up.

There was a small going away party hosted for her at the Berry house, and Rachel was enthusiastic about moving, but clearly sentimental about leaving.

She mingled with the Glee kids who’d become a part of her extended family. She liked some more than others, and some of them got on her nerves, but she loved them anyway. That was just the way with family, and Rachel’s family had always been very small, so she was glad that it’d expanded.

She searched for Quinn and couldn’t find her anywhere, at least not in the living room, dining room or backyard where everyone else was convening. She walked to their room and found Quinn sitting on her bed with Maggie in her lap.

“There you are,” Rachel drawled. “What’re you doing? Already making plans for the big expansion after I leave tomorrow?” she joked. “You know you’re only going to be here for a couple more weeks and then you and Maggie are off to Boston.”

“Rach.” Quinn said softly.

Rachel’s grin immediately faded. She rushed to Quinn’s side. “What’s wrong?” she asked, sitting down on Quinn’s bed.

“It’s going to be so weird not having you here,” Quinn said quietly.

“Hey,” Rachel murmured. “It’s still my room. Don’t go getting my ideas and turning it into a discothèque or something.”

“Discotheque?” Quinn repeated. “What are you, some Parisian student name Francois who is learning English by a book on tape?”

“Isn’t Francois a boy’s name?”

“What’s your point?” Quinn teased.

Rachel laughed. “What’s wrong?” she asked softly. “Seriously. All jokes about my alleged ambiguous gender identity aside.”

“It’s just…” Quinn sighed. “It’s just…” she trailed off. “It’s just that I’m going to miss you.”

“Is that all?” Rachel asked softly. She reached for Quinn’s hand and grinned when Maggie took her hand instead. Maggie reached out to Rachel and Rachel pulled the toddler into her lap. Maggie played with Rachel’s hair and Rachel was content to let Maggie do it. Rachel touched Quinn’s hand. “I’m going to miss you, too, Quinn. Contrary to everyone’s grim forecasts about this living arrangement, I kind of liked it.”

Quinn laughed softly. “I’m _really_ going to miss you.”

“Well, I’m really going to miss you, too.”

Quinn was silent as she contemplated the situation. When she was growing up, she thought her life was as close to perfect as things could get. She had a mother and father who were still married and that set them apart from all the other broken families that surrounded them. She and her older sister got along pretty well. And as long as she was the golden girl, she was showered with her parents’ love and affection.

But she always knew that if she ever failed to live up to expectation, if she failed them, that love and affection would be taken away and never given back. When she got pregnant, she thought it was the end of the world, but she never for a moment genuinely contemplated an abortion. It crossed her mind, sure, but it was against every moral fiber in her being. Sometimes, there was a part of her that wished she didn’t feel so strongly about it, because it could have been so much easier. Terri Schuester would never have tried to fool Mr. Schuester, Puck and Finn would still be best friends, and she’d still be living with her parents, because her parents would have never known about it.

But instead, she got kicked out of the Cheerios, kicked out of her parents’ house and her relationship with Finn was cordial and friendly but permanently strained. That was a huge loss to her, because Finn was one of the sweetest guys in the world and she hated that she lost his friendship.

But she also found a bunch of new friends, people she never would have expected to stand beside her and support her. People like Matt, Mike, Tina, Mercedes and Kurt. And Brittany and Santana proved what good friends they truly were. And of course, there was Rachel and her fathers.

Rachel’s fathers were everything she wished her parents could be, and she was sorry every single day for every bad thought she had about them just because they were gay. They were kinder to her and her daughter than her own parents ever had been, because that kindness was genuine and unconditional. When they sat around the dinner table together and talked about the future, they always included her and Maggie in those plans.

“You girls _have_ to come home for Thanksgiving,” Rachel’s fathers told them one summery Sunday morning over homemade eggs Benedict. “You’ll all just have to suffer through the holiday travel because we are _not_ doing Thanksgiving alone.

It was the first time Quinn realized that she really would have somewhere to go home to during holidays and breaks from school. She didn’t realize how important that was to her, until it seemed like she’d have nowhere to go. But she did. And she wanted to cry then and there when she realized she was included. She and her daughter.

And of course there was Rachel, who was much better at sharing than Quinn thought she would be. Granted Rachel was crazy and got up at the crack of dawn every day to exercise like a dork, but she was also sweet and thoughtful and routinely got dressed in the dark so as not to wake Quinn and Maggie. Her outfits were frequently mismatched because of this, but Rachel didn’t seem to care.

She didn’t know what kind of person fell in love with someone long after they stopped having sex with that person, but Quinn knew she was that person. And the thought of Rachel leaving and being alone in Rachel’s room amongst all of Rachel’s things…it just made Quinn sad and she knew she would miss Rachel dreadfully.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Quinn said softly.

Rachel blinked in confusion. “Uh, okay. Sure. But let’s go back to the party.” She stood up, still holding onto Maggie.

“It’s just that I love you and I’m going to miss you!” Quinn blurted, her eyes squeezing shut and waiting for whatever reaction Rachel would have.

Rachel sat down, looking flustered and flummoxed. “Uh, okay. So when you say you don’t want to talk about it…”

“I want to talk about it!”

“Okay,” Rachel said. “Just checking.” She took a deep breath. “Well, I love you, too Quinn. We’re friends.”

“Yeah, but I _love_ you.”

Rachel was quiet because she couldn’t find the words to say. This was not typical of her, and she was deeply aggrieved her mind chose this moment to short circuit on her. “Oh,” she said finally. “I see.”

Quinn swallowed hard. Judging by Rachel’s reaction, the brunette didn’t seem to feel the same way, which was upsetting because there were times when Rachel looked at her and Quinn swore the feelings were mutual. But Quinn only kept quiet for as long as she did because she wasn’t sure if the feelings actually were mutual. If Quinn were more assured in the feeling, she would have said something sooner.

“’Oh, I see,’” Quinn mimicked crossly. “God, couldn’t you have said something better?” she asked, mortified. “Like, ‘that’s very flattering, Quinn and we’ll always be friends but I just don’t feel the same way’? Or maybe ‘that is so flattering, but living with you has made me see you more as a sister’ Or maybe--”

“Why do I have the reputation for being loquacious when you talk just as much as I do, if not more?” Rachel wondered. She made a face at Quinn. “I was trying to tell you that I _love_ you, too, Quinn. I just needed a moment to find the right words to say it.”

Quinn raised an eyebrow. “You know, you could always keep it simple. That works, too.”

Rachel laughed softly. “Okay then. I love you. And not like a sister. And not like a friend. I love you.”

Quinn narrowed her eyes. “Are you just saying that to make me feel better because you’re leaving tomorrow and then this never has to go anywhere?”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, you’re the one who told me to keep it simple, and I kept it simple. I _knew_ you would do this to me. And do we have to have this conversation in front of Maggie? Let me have one of my dads watch her.”

“Are you trying to buy some time?” Quinn demanded.

Rachel scowled. “Don’t be such a girl.” She grinned at Quinn. “I will be right back.”

Rachel left with Maggie in her arms and was back within a few minutes. She rolled her eyes. “My dads are building a fort with her with the couch cushions. I think they’re hoping you’ll leave her here.”

Quinn chuckled. “She loves them.”

Rachel resumed her position next to Quinn. “I’m not trying to make you feel better,” she said, her voice low. “I really do love you, Quinn.”

Quinn raised an eyebrow. “And how did _that_ happen?”

Rachel groaned. “Why are you doing this to me?” she asked rubbing her face. “Don’t you believe me?”

“Oh, I believe you,” Quinn said. “I mean, who wouldn’t love me?” she joked. I just like making you uncomfortable.”

Rachel grabbed Quinn’s stuffed mouse, Mousey off the bed and hit Quinn on the back with it.

“Hey!” Quinn said in outrage. “You can’t hit me with Mousey.” She yanked it away and hugged it to her chest. “That’s domestic violence, missy, and it’s never okay.”

Rachel sighed. “You’ve had more lovable moments than this particular one,” she declared.

Quinn smiled ruefully at her. “So have you.”

They were quiet for a moment and then Rachel spoke.

“So you love me.”

“Yeah,” Quinn said softly.

“When did this happen?”

Quinn chuckled. “Now who’s being girly?” she teased. She became serious when Rachel shot her a warning look. “Okay, okay. It just kind of happened,” she admitted. “I mean, when we were actually sleeping together, I wasn’t in love with you or anything, but then we stopped and we started being friends and I know that was an ass backwards way to do it. But that’s just our way.”

“Yeah,” Rachel agreed. “It’s just our way.”

“And we were friends and I realized how great you were, and then I started living here and it was just really good. It was really nice. And then I realized how sad I was that we were both moving away. And it made me sad that I was going to be away from you.”

Rachel was quiet as she absorbed that. “I think you’re great, too,” she said sincerely. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

Quinn shrugged. “Because we’re friends and we’re living together. I didn’t know if you felt the same way and I didn’t want to make things weird for both of us. But I thought, well, since you’re leaving tomorrow, if it got weird, we’d just… you know, have time apart.”

“Oh,” Rachel said softly.

“Why didn’t _you_ say something?” Quinn asked.

Rachel bit her lower lip and looked down at her lap. “Same reasons as you, I guess,” she said softly. “And things between us were finally good and not complicated like it was for so long. I just didn’t want to complicate things. You know?”

“Yeah,” Quinn said. She paused. “So, you really love me? I mean, in a way that’s not platonic or whatever.”

“Yes.”

“When did this happen?” Quinn asked.

Rachel groaned. “Oh God. You’re such a woman!”

“Hey!” Quinn exclaimed. “I told you and I didn’t make fun of you that much when you asked. This is, like, the third time I asked you!”

Rachel sighed and grabbed a pillow and buried her face into it. “When we started sleeping together,” she said, her voice coming out muffled.

Quinn wasn’t sure she heard Rachel correctly. “What?”

“When we started sleeping together,” Rachel repeated a little louder, but she kept the pillow to her face.

“Rachel, get that pillow out of your face!”

Rachel pulled it away and heaved a deep sigh. “When we started sleeping together,” she said softly.

“Really?” Quinn asked quietly. “Seriously?”

Rachel groaned in embarrassment and pressed the pillow to her face again. She groaned again, clearly embarrassed.

“Rach,” Quinn said softly. “Come on.”

Rachel put the pillow down and pouted. “I just wanted it to be sex, too, you know,” she said crossly. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “I didn’t want to start having feelings for you.”

She really hadn’t. But she developed feelings for Quinn anyway, and she wasn’t even sure why, because it wasn’t like Quinn was all that nice to her, at least back then. She thought maybe she was just the kind of girl who developed feelings for people she had sex with, but she never fell in love with Noah. And although she loved Brittany, she was able to separate her feelings of affection for Brittany from just having sex with the blonde. But for whatever reason, she started having feelings for Quinn. And they faded once she ended things, but they resurfaced when they started to become friends. And once she got to know Quinn, the real Quinn beneath the innocent act and the bitchy façade, she liked what she saw. And then she loved what she saw. And when Quinn became such a good friend to her, it was impossible not to love Quinn.

Quinn smiled in a teasingly cocky way. “It’s because I’m awesome, isn’t it?”

Rachel snorted in derision. “Please,” she said. “When we were sleeping together, you were not awesome. I fell for you despite your entire lack of awesomeness.”

“Hey!”

“Well, I think you’re awesome now,” Rachel pointed out.

“So you’ve loved me all this time?” Quinn said. “Why didn’t _you_ say something? Seriously. We could have had so much more time together.”

“Not this whole time,” Rachel crankily. “There was an ebb and flow to it. And anyway, you could have said something, too.”

Quinn rolled her eyes. “This is not my fault. Not all of it anyway. It’s just as much your fault as it is mine.”

Rachel looked at her, mouth open. “You’re seriously going to try to assign blame in this?”

“You’re leaving tomorrow! What are we supposed to do?”

Rachel shrugged. “Why don’t we just take it slow?”

Quinn looked at her in askance. “Slower than we already have?”

Rachel grinned at her. “It’s just our way.”

Quinn sighed and laughed. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Rachel reached for her, hesitantly and they moved in close. “It’s only two hundred miles,” Rachel said quietly. “We could do a couple weekends a month.”

“And we have winter and summer breaks to come back here,” Quinn said softly, moving her head closer to Rachel’s.

“And long weekends,” Rachel said, as her head moved closer to Quinn’s.

“And there’s email.”

“And Facebook.”

“And Twitter.”

“Airplanes,” Rachel said.

“Trains.”

“General technological advances,” Rachel acknowledged with a grin. Their lips were just inches apart. She could feel Quinn’s breath skirt across her lips.

“Technology is awesome,” Quinn whispered.

“Yeah,” Rachel agreed. Her lips touched Quinn’s and they melted into one another. They kissed languidly, and everything went still. They couldn’t hear the music and the laughter of their friends from the living room. They couldn’t hear anything but their own breaths.

And then they were interrupted when Brittany and Santana tumbled into the room, hand in hand and giggling.

Quinn and Rachel drew apart quickly.

Quinn scowled. “Hey!”

Rachel stood up and put her hands on her hips. “Brittany! Did you bring her in here to make out?” she demanded. “Were you going to make out on my bed? _We_ used to make out in here!”

“Hey!” Santana and Quinn exclaimed in outrage.

Brittany had to good grace to look a little sheepish. “Sorry,” she said. She turned to Santana. “Hey, they never fought and Rachel’s leaving tomorrow. That means I won the bet and you lost.”

“Hey!” Rachel and Quinn exclaimed.

“I bet on you,” Brittany assured them.

“You guys are going to have to find some place else,” Quinn told their friends. “We’re using this room.”

Santana looked frustrated. “We’d be better at it than you two, so I think we should get the room.”

“It’s _our_ room!” Rachel and Quinn exclaimed.

Brittany looked amused. “I’ll give you a cookie,” she said to Santana. “You like cookies.”

Santana looked thoroughly put-upon. “That’s not exactly a great substitute, Brit.”

Brittany leaned in close. “Then I’ll give you a prize,” she whispered in Santana’s ear, her breath tickling Santana’s earlobe. “Take me home.”

Santana grinned. “Well,” she said. She approached Rachel quickly. “Have a great flight tomorrow, call us when you land. Good luck at Julliard! Bye! See you later this week, Quinn” She looked meaningfully at Brittany. “I’ll get the car started. Hurry up.”

Brittany chuckled. “Okay.” She walked up to Rachel and hugged the brunette. “I’m glad we’re friends,” she whispered, squeezing Rachel tightly.

Rachel squeezed Brittany as tightly as she could without actually causing Brittany pain. “Me too,” she said. “I’m going to miss you.”

“Me too,” Brittany said. “Good luck.”

They broke apart and Brittany gave Quinn a quick hug.

“Don’t be mean to her,” Brittany murmured. “Or else you’ll make her cry.”

“I know,” Quinn whispered back. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Yeah,” Brittany said with a grin.

They broke apart and Brittany gave a little wave and practically bounced out of the room.

That left Rachel and Quinn alone, once again.

“Do you think we can do this?” Quinn asked, her voice serious.

“I think we can do pretty much anything,” Rachel said.

Quinn smiled, relieved. “Good.”

When Rachel left the next afternoon, Quinn cried just as hard as Maggie and Rachel’s dads did. And when she and Maggie left a few weeks later to get to the apartment she did find close to BU, Rachel’s dads cried again, hugged her and slipped her a roll of twenty dollar bills, just as they’d done for Rachel.

And while it was hard, because Quinn was through lying to other people and to herself, it was okay. There were good moments, and bad moments and moments that were neither good nor bad but left her stomach hurting anyway, but it was all okay. And when she got insecure, Rachel mocked her for a moment, but then reassured her, because that was just their way. And when Rachel got insecure, she mocked Rachel relentlessly, but was always quick to reassure Rachel, too. Because that was just their way.

And their way was good, and their way worked for them.

The end.


End file.
